3KD - A Prologue

 

I had two wild dreams one night this week, which led me back here. 

Dream One: Running Like The Wind; Dream Two: Touring Futuristic Retirement Apartments. 

I want to share those, but first...

Well, well, well. 

Through the dirt and ashes, like a zombie from the grave, my dream diary resurfaces, just in time for Halloween. 

2,974 days since my last post. I'm developing a bit of a routine, eh? 

Three thousand days is hardly an eternity, but wow how my life has changed. And how my perception has as well. 

VR (virtual reality) existed in my world since November 2015, with the release of the Gear VR headset. I remember telling others "I feel like I've leveled up in life" - it only happens when something really, really cool comes into my world. Something life changing. Something I feel like has always been a part of my story, my core programming, yet to be unveiled. That feeling of knowing the first time you lock eyes. Leveling up, as in, I'm on a fresh OS, and there's no going back.

The best way I can describe this feeling is - do you remember being a kid and longing for something that hasn't yet come, something that feels just within reach, but light years away, almost like, painfully missing a part of your identity. For me, as a kid, it was a computer. I'd sit in my room, cross legged - and stare intently, with such focus, at the corner of my room - putting all my effort, all my energy, into the pure thought of "A COMPUTER WILL APPEAR" in this one little spot. Computers weren't even really great yet, (NEVER OBSOLETE lmao), but little kid me had this absolute soul crushing feeling that it was this whole other part of me that was missing. So I waited... and I wished... and one day, POOF! There it was. In reality, years passed and I stopped staring so hard, but instead decided to turn my thoughts into action and bought my first computer when I was around 14, making payments for a Gateway (yes, the cow box) and finding a new obsession in my first ever PC game, Age of Empires II. The point here is, that feeling of extension of myself - literal growth shapeshifting my world from a small little box in the corner of nowhere, to suddenly experiencing expansion in every direction - that shift of perception, it changed everything about me. The way I thought, the way I dreamt, but little did she know this was only the beginning. 

As always, late to the party, I grasped my little paws on an Oculus Rift CV1 September 2018 with the Marvel Powers United VR Rift bundle. Finally, I could do what I only achieved in my dreams in VR - fly around in Google Earth VR to the point of nausea! Get jump scared by Bears in Bear Island and rip droids to pieces in Robo Recall. But wait, what about, Beat Saber? Nope, frugal miss Twist didn't even consider paying $30 at this time to play the greatest VR game in history, because well, she didn't know better. Bad Twist. 

But, there's a silver lining.

Eventually, the Rift CV1 went back into it's box, traveled through a shipping container from one coast to another, and finally got a little use again during the pandemic.

In March, 2021 - Oculus shut down the Marvel Powers VR game servers permanently, so I did what anyone who spent their hard earned cash on a digital product no longer available would do, emailed to complain I wanted store credit for the game I purchased (and hardly played, lol, so I qualified). But what would I use that credit on? For now, it sat, as digital currency, for a couple months, awaiting it's true purpose.

In July, 2021, Google debuted a little rhythm game using arrows on the keyboard. I tap, tap, tapped away for a few minutes, and my heart recalled fond memories in college shredding on Stepmania on my keyboard. Damn, was I good at Stepmania on a keyboard. Wanting to revisit this old friend, I found myself on a new rabbit hole adventure, looking into how to set up the mod files to run the game - when somehow in my research, I came back across Beat Saber - which, now, looked SUPER intriguing to me. And just like that, my store credit purchased the game, some OST songs, and I found myself back inside 'the thing'. (For any Westworld Fans, "am i in the thing" is a quote by the Man in the Black Hat in a mysterious after credits sequence cliffhanger.) So my VR headsets will always be "the thing to go into the thing!" for me.

And oh, boy, oh. With custom songs and insane maps - I can't even begin to describe how incredible Beat Saber is today. The lights, the stages, the music, the maps, the entire worlds crafted before my eyes. Gorgeously floating through space and light and time. It's mesmerizing. Heavenly. And somehow I'm getting a workout and endorphins are rushing and I'm simply happy and not anxious, and wow, life is good! 

So, here we are, because something shifted yet again, and my dreams have returned in full force. 

And the details,...well...the details are shimmery, and bright, and vivid like always. They almost feel like being in VR. Language will never do justice to what I experience - but the feeling of flying in my dreams - and flying in VR - is as close as it gets.

I look forward to diving back into my dreams and exploring the hidden meanings. 

Per Sempre Il Vostro or the Chimera of Choice

Lightning lashes a fierce flash to which thunder quips a crippling crack. I gush in excitement. I imagine hot wind whistling at the tip of the atmosphere and a cool surge slapping sense across it's face. Majestic myriads of crystals leap from the clouds and soar toward a billion blades of grizzly green grass. The flood-gates have opened & the ground begs for more, more.

The conditions are perfect for change; force-fields control the calm & the chaotic, the waxing and waning of the moon, the ebb and flow of the tide, the cyclical patterns of our wobbly path in the cosmos; are we moving forward while spinning backwards or spinning backward while moving forwards? Do you feel the Earth shaking beneath your feet? Can you see the aurora dancing in every radio wave? Can you taste the poison in the air? It's unlikely you notice the microcosms that thrive beneath the obvious, because the world is over-saturated with information, grid-locking your senses, chemically-controlling your desires, ingraining a DDOS attack on your psyche with sugar, caffiene, sex, jealousy, envy, success & material-wealth. Empty skyscrapers envelope the skyline with the illusion of prosperity; look up, reach higher, chase the unattainable. We are an extension of our surroundings, a reflection of our radius, a composite of our core - yet we limit our understanding to our immediate first-person perspective. We filter the world through our own biased lens; we drink and wear labels not for taste, quality or purity but because we visualize our ideal self by sheer association. I must be creative; I use Apple! I must be sexy; I wear Prada. I must be, be, be - when did being evolve from having? Possession is an illusion; nothing is truly yours as you are as fleeting as your surroundings. Time is the only truth, it gives, it takes, it humbles us to learn that the only essential in life is knowledge. Knowledge can not be created, nor destroyed. It is pure energy manifest into creation. In the waking world, we are limited by our own language, ego, financial status & the chimera of choice into believing we are actually making decisions. Grande or Venti? Red or Blue? Pepsi or Coke? Democrat or Republican? Soup or salad? It's all the fucking same, quantifiable consumption, an infectious conception created by our imaginations to be unique. Lightning doesn't give a fuck if you are unique.

AE- "Thought is energy, to create it, just use your imagination."

Wanderings

Last night I crawled into bed shortly before sunrise. Outside the pavement was silent; palm trees swayed gracefully under somber purple and grey skies. I buried my face beneath my yellow comforter hoping for the world to glide away into total darkness and much needed quality rest. Moments later, I felt a warm glow encapsulate my entire body; the world bright red through closed eyelids. Lifting the blanket a few inches below my nose, the morning greeted me with an explosion of golden orange hues cascading throughout my apartment. Wrapped in floor to ceiling windows, my home beckons the light to dance into every crevice and my body to be bathed in glorious unfiltered rays of the new day. Silhouettes of palm trees reached for the light but were masked almost invisible by it's powerful glow. The event lasted only a few fleeting magical breaths and soon slipped away into peaceful pink and blue tones. I knew nothing again would ever be the same. The light wasn't mine to keep, but my eyes devoured each and every second we shared. I became entranced by it's beauty and the sensation of gravity seemed to weaken in it's presence. I crawled into bed experiencing a magnetic duality: savoring the moment as if it was created only for me while simultaneously letting it slip away as all fond memories eventually do. Darkness came and conquered. Mine to keep. A. Perfect. Black. Abyss.

I woke up recklessly speeding in my Jeep, the interstate congested as usual but not enough to hold me back from swerving in and out of each lane like a thief on the run. I felt free; the wind kissed my neck and my tires gripped the road knowing exactly where I wanted to be - home, where I continuously seemed to be traveling toward but never quite arriving. The horizon softened and skyscrapers emerged in the distance, but suddenly something wasn't right. The sky became littered in smoke and flames burst high up in the center of my vision.

Where could this be coming from, I pressed.

Cars stranded in all directions, the world empty and alone.  

Everyone is gone, am I the only one left?

I pursued my destination without hesitation; knowing everyone else may have evacuated was of their concern. My home, my life, my everything must be salvaged. The Jeep came to a screeching halt. 

The engine must have been stalled from a shock wave, I mused.

I stepped outside and within seconds it dawned on me.

It's my skyscraper, Vizcayne, pouring smoke into the skies. How? Why?

The building began to crumble into itself and the sky radiated a reddish glow. I rushed forward to get a closer look. Without warning, I spotted a giant triceratops charging it's horns into concrete and ripping the city to shreds. It's bulky body acted as a shield for its' sheer speed as it smashed from one building to the next. The creature fueled by chaos screamed in enrapture at the destruction like a big brother kicking over a little brothers lego tower. I must warn the rest. We can't survive this.

I dodged into safety, ambient sounds of a brass symphony echoed through walls of empty ticket boxes. I came upon a large door and loudly forced my way through to find my sweaty, wide-eyed panic-stricken appearance an obvious distraction for a large sophisticated crowd. Silence ensued. Twenty silk dresses, satin overcoats and lace leggings cast glares my direction before a tall guard gripped my arm and forced me outside of the entrance. A thousand glowing overhead bulbs cast shadows on his face and my manic mumblings were of little concern to the orders he was receiving from a transmitter nestled inside his earpiece.  

Fuck. They're all fucked. 

Outside, my thoughts grew quieter and the dampened tones of the symphony enveloped me in a sea of distraction. I was handed a chilly glass to calm my woes; knowing half of the world was experiencing utter destruction and the other half living blatantly ignorant of the truth, I took a sip in wonder of my place in it all - and woke up.

Dreaming of the Silky Black Waters of Forever

I haven’t felt compelled to write about any of my dreams for a long time – as they all seemed insignificant. The last dream that took my imagination by storm upon awakening was nearly 6 months ago about a skyscraper that had an entire floor that moved like an elevator. I became entranced by skyscrapers but still, no desire to write or remember as it was more of a push in my curiosity. Last night’s dream was different, so I’ll cut to the chase and try to be as concise yet detailed as possible.

I have no clue where this dream began. I felt as though I was on a “tour” of a new home, a housewarming of sorts. I was guided by a beautiful woman with dark curly brown hair. She was very friendly but didn’t tell me her name. I looked around the house which had an oddly nostalgic feeling like my first house in Lenox, wooden panels in some places, somewhat small hallways leading to other rooms. I wandered down one hallway which had an impossibly slim entrance, I could see into the next room but was afraid to walk in because I felt as though it wasn’t my “place” to snoop around. This reminded me a lot of my father’s bedroom in our house, someplace I’ll likely never see again, so I suppose that is a natural emotion. I crept back out and saw another small gateway but again, felt timid to go looking around by myself. The woman warmly explained that I’d like to go there as it was very beautiful. We walked through a small doorway which led to a gigantic outdoor balcony/deck over the water. It was shaped in a triangle starting small at the entrance but becoming much, much larger at the opposite side. It looked identical to my favorite fishing spot as a kid, this slanted rock area that I used to climb out onto at the lake across from the golf course. I felt very comfortable there and looked out onto the waters. Everything was silky black, but seemed to glow with elegance like the waters were alive. As though the sun was always setting or rising there and there was just enough light to cascade the entire balcony in a beautiful golden hue. It felt absolutely magical. The woman looked at me and told me these exact words. “Your father and I spend many mornings out here” – she didn’t tell me what they did, I somehow just assumed at that moment they sat together and enjoyed the same feeling I was having. She began walking back inside and as I followed her she asked me what I do for a living. All I said was “I work in television promos” and she replied “you must keep very busy” – and I nodded and that was the last thing I really remember. When we walked back inside I think I actually departed from that place. Although part of me feels like we were going to a family dinner. I don’t actually recall the dinner or speaking with my father – he was just sitting at the table, ready to eat.  In that moment I knew he was happy, to have the company of such a lovely woman, and I didn’t sense any sort of loneliness. She was such a warm soul. I wish I was able to talk to my dad, but perhaps the timing just wasn’t right. Because most dreams when I do, it’s as though he is still alive and I’m in the past. This dream it was clear I was in the present and there was a barrier keeping me from communicating. I think she was there to interject, perhaps in a tough love kind of way. We’ve both changed, I’m sure, because a lot can happen in 11 years. And I only knew him for 15. So I’m probably still a kid to him, maybe he doesn’t want to see me all grown up. I don’t know. I feel as though this dream was very real, and that place exists, not just in my heart or mind, but it’s as though he retired there. It’s not what I expected, and maybe there’s more I haven’t seen, but the morning water there is absolutely mesmerizing. I’m hope he looks at it and remembers us. Because we will never forget him.

Am I Awake?

i must be dreaming

colors are more vivid

the rain is falling upwards

my head..still spinning

you feel, so real.


i can't seem to wake up

the waves are crashing around me

tearing me away from land

was this part of the plan?


away you float

in a different boat

suddenly i realize i'm a shark

and your irrisistable scent

may leave a mark.



masquerading as a mermaid

i get caught in your net

your lips taste like salty smoke

breathe in this last breath

before you release me to the depths.


sink or swim

our love is sin

i die with a grin

and awaken to realize

the beginning is the end.

Close My Eyes, Here You Are, All Alone, Dancing In The Dark

My recent dreams are too divine to share online. All reason aside, I can't deny why my imagination has taken such a turn toward a vivid vixen. Chasing my curiosity might just lead me in a new direction. I will expose this - mid-dream I drifted awake for a split second; as I exhaled and closed my eyelids I experienced a simultaneous shifting of "space" - back into my dream world - a place that feels like it has a future all its own. This "other" world is just as physical - full of tastes, textures and a time line - I keep waking up, like, "I know this place." This stunning orange and purple place I've never been.

I feel like I'm 42 days ahead of myself, or something. At least technology is tuning into "seeing" how dream visions "play out" - I've always wanted to film my dreams!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2054594/Minds-eye-Experts-use-magnetic-scanner-videos-playing-inside-peoples-brains.html

Dream Déjà Vu

Have you ever dreamt of doing something and then experienced it in real life only a few days after the dream experience? That's exactly what happened to me over Spring break. Call it coincidence but I feel that this dream déjà vu situation was too identical to assume that it my mind was linking two random events. Because only one event occurred...I just happened to experience it at two separate times.

Here's a glimpse of my dream. For some reason it was one of those "I create the scenerio" by lucidly imagining things. I realized I was dreaming...and consciously decided to create a music video...but some of the elements were definitely beyond my control...

In the dream: I am watching from a moving tank. I can see explosions all around, but am not afraid. The ground beneath me is a combination of sand and dirt. The sky is littered with smoke.

And real life: I'm over at a friends playing Halo Live. (this is a rare occasion...MY first experience on Xb0x live) - I don't really know what I'm doing, but somehow I end up jumping up on a tank that someone else begins to drive. Suddenly, everything I see looks far too familiar. The feeling of déjà vu sweeps over my body and I decide to try to ignore it. But later on my mind keeps tracing back to this moment. I decide its worth looking into:

Dream Fact: Results of several surveys across large population sets indicate that between 18% and 38% of people have experienced at least one precognitive dream and 70% have experienced déjà vu. The percentage of persons that believe precognitive dreaming is possible is even higher, ranging from 63% to 98%.

I also found this line interesting in a separate article talking about an Oxford study:

Researchers also tied evidence of precognitive dreams to déjà vu experiences that occurred anywhere from one day to eight years later.

Although I may never know the truth on this situation, it certainly isn't the first time this has happened to me. So am I experiencing a glitch in the space/time continuum? Or do I just happen to have super powers? ;)